TUGGER – THE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OF A DOG

Whoever said the right dog would change your life forever knew what they were talking about. My life change forever when this 86 pound Golden Retriever walked through my garage and into my kitchen back in October of 2019. His name is Tugger and he is a large Golder Retriever. As he walked into my kitchen for the first time he looked at me. Tugger walked around the kitchen island and into the living room exploring this house which would be his new home. At that time I am thinking “OMG, how am I going to deal with this big dog being in my house running all over my hard wood floors. These hardwood floors would be ruined and my house will smell like a dog. ” Little did I know that having Tugger in my house would be one of the best decisions of my life.

To know me you have to understand that I had spent the past 20 years of my life flying in an out of the Atlanta airport attending medical trade shows, working with sales representatives in the field and visiting clients as we continued increasing the market share of MD Logic. During this time I did not have time for a dog as I was never home and traveled all the time. That all changed in 2019 when I met Tugger for the first time. Tugger is my girlfriend’s (Sarah’s) very best friend. She had raised him from a puppy and had taken him everywhere with her. He was a very large golden retriever but very well-mannered due to his graduation as a therapy dog and countless visits to nursing homes, schools and other events to meet people and bring happiness to their lives. Tugger loved to smile, wag his tail and love on everyone he met. Even when a little kid pulled his tail or grabbed an ear Tugger handled it with kindness.

I quickly learned all about “treats” and “biscuits” and rewarding Tugger for being responsive to commands. Who would have thought that the words “Tugger Come” would stop an 86 pound golden retriever in his tracks and have Tugger come running up to me or back in the house? I must admit it felt pretty special to call-out “Tugger Come” and Tugger would come to me. The best part is that he would always run up to you smiling, wagging his tail and shaking his butt. Just few months after Tugger moved in COVID hit the USA. By March 2020 I was working remotely from my house. Working from home full time was a huge change for me compared to my previous life of always flying around the country doing business.

By the middle of 2020, Tugger’s gentle demeanor and hypnotic love for life had won me over as I found myself waking up each morning only to lay down on the hardwood floors or tile and snuggle with Tugger. He was a big dog and it was like snuggling with a bear. Tugger would begin to wag his tail smacking it on the floor as I walked up to him and started to transition to the floor. Snuggling with Tugger in the morning before coffee became a very therapeutic way to start my day and destress. In healthcare technology, the product and or software are never done and working in healthcare can be stressful. My morning start on the floor with Tugger was so much better than driving to Atlanta to board an airplane or driving into our corporate office. Sarah would simply walk in the room while Tugger and I were on the floor and grin while saying “I told you that you would love Tugger. He is the best dog in the world”. It is funny how life had changed for me in just a short amount of time. The first time I met Tugger was at Sarah’s place. I simply patted him on the head and said “Good Dog” and walked away. I had no idea the impact he would have in my life.

By the summer of 2021 Tugger and I continued our walks outside and down to the lake. Tugger would chase the balls into the lake as he quickly became a solid swimmer. Tugger was 7 years old and had never had a chance to swim much less retrieve balls in a lake. I forgot to mention his #1 passion in life was “Balls”. He went crazy chasing balls and having two balls in his mouth at one time. This was his happy place. Tugger and I would spend lots of time outside in the backyard with me throwing balls for him to catch and retrieve. If I had to guess, Tugger’s #2 passions would be puppy ice cream from Publix. He loved it and would go insane when he saw us open a cup of puppy ice cream for him.

Prior to Tugger moving in with me, my family and friends would bring dogs over to swim in the lake. When they mention the idea of having their dogs swim in my pool I would quickly say “no way, that dog hair wouldn’t be good for the pool filter”. Funny how the pool rules changed with Tugger. He would sit in the pool on our sun pad area and enjoy the cool water while he held two balls in his mount. Once we got in the pool he would come in and paddle around and then head back to the steps and sun pad. When Tugger would get out of the pool he would lay down on a lounge chair with a large umbrella shading him. There was also a large misting fan pointing at Tugger that would keep him cool by the pool. In less than a year Tugger went from “what am I going to do with this large dog in my house” to “hey Tug can I get you some fresh water or adjust your umbrella”. My life was changing and it was changing for the best. I enjoyed taking care of the big guy. Each night as he lay down in his bed to go to sleep I would kiss Tug on the head and tell him I loved him. It was the perfect way to end the day.

In early 2021 we decided that Tugger needed a buddy in the house so he would have a companion. We had noticed that Tugger would not always eat his food when we set it down as he knew the food would be there later when he wanted it. So in July 2021 we adopted another Golden Retriever (male) puppy name “Memphis”. Funny how after bringing Memphis home Tugger would gobble up his food. I named Memphis after the movie “Gone in 60 Seconds” character played by Nicholas Cage who was named “Memphis”. When Tugger first saw Memphis it was comical. We didn’t know just how much until we went back and viewed the photos of Tugger seeing Memphis for the first time. Memphis grew up quickly and would jump all over Tugger biting him as puppies do. There would countless “yelps” by Tugger for nose bites, ear bites and leg bites from Memphis but Tugger proved to be the perfect big brother and never once bit Memphis. Tugger set the example and Memphis learned where he could go in the yard and how to take walks on a leash in the neighborhood.

By the summer of 2022, Memphis had grown to 67 pounds of pure muscle. He would go outside just to sprint around the house for the exercise. He was fast, smart and an amazing swimmer and jumper. In August of 2022 we signed Memphis up for a dock diving class. By the end of his first class Memphis was the only puppy to jump off the platform into the pool. Most dogs will not jump and it is intimidating. By his last class in August Memphis was jumping 17 feet (best in his class). We were able to schedule an hour of pool time at this dock diving center so that Tugger could see his little brother in action. Tugger and Memphis were joined by their other Golden retriever cousin and the hour at the pool saw lots of splashes and tails a wagging. I must admit that I had a great time just watching them all have a fun.

On the early Morning of September 21, 2022 I awoke to Sarah’s scream that “something is wrong with Tugger”. I jumped out of bed and ran into the front foyer and saw Tugger’s head tilted to the left side and he was walking in circles and having trouble balancing. I bent down and held him and looked in his eyes and said “what’s wrong Tug”? I was scared to death as Tug was a healthy 9 year old golden retriever that just had his annual examination and everything normal. I looked in Tugs eyes and said “don’t worry daddy will take to the doctor and get you all better”.  I quickly changed and then rushed back to the foyer to lift up my 86 pound boy to carry him to the car. Before leaving, I set Tugger in the grass to pee and held him to keep him from falling over. He could not balance or stand on his own. I felt horrible for my boy as we rushed him to the doctors office. Carrying Tugger from the car to the doctor’s office was a long walk through the parking lot but my adrenaline was pumping along with the tears in my eyes. We got Tugger to the examination room where the doctor examined him and ran a complete set of blood tests. All blood tests were normal so we felt a bit relieved. However the examination and his symptoms proved to be a brain tumor. My heart crashed to the floor. I had trouble talking as the tears rushed down my face. How could a healthy 9 year old Golden Retriever that was running around the yard yesterday having fun with his brother have a brain tumor? What could be done to resolve the symptoms? Was he in any pain? When could we take Tugger home? How could this happen to Tugger?

The course of treatment recommended was a steroid injection in an effort to reduce the swelling in the brain and help resolve the symptoms. The doctor gave Tugger the shot and dispensed some steroid pills to give Tugger over the next few days. She said the shot was strong and should hopefully help him regain his balance (wait and see). Tugger wanted to walk out of the clinic so I held his collar and guided him to the car. By the time he reached the car he had fallen over so I picked him up and placed Tugger in the car. By the time we got home Tugger was panting heavy so I picked him up and place him in the grass to hold him up so he could pee. He could not stand and only seemed to have gotten worse. I picked up Tugger and walked him though the same garage door that he had first walked through back in October of 2019. I laid him down on a carpet we had placed in the kitchen over the hardwood floors. I snuggled my best buddy, my boy, my son and told him everything would be alright and to just relax. He was still panting but his head would pop up when he heard Sarah’s voice in the kitchen. He would raise his head and look for her. To be corrected on my previous listing of Tugs passion was wrong. His mother was the #1 passion in his life followed by bouncing balls and puppy ice cream.

Over the next few hours Tugger drank just a little bit of water from a puppy cup and ate a few nibbles of his favorite biscuits. We never left his side as we both took turns hugging Tugger and loving on him. I carried him outside two more times in the afternoon as Tugger would never pee or poo in the house. He had lost all function on his left side and could not stand. Tugger did not pee and just looked up at us as if he had done something wrong and was sorry for whatever he had done. His tail wagged when I told him “who is the best dog – Tugger is the best dog”.  By 4:30pm Tugger’s symptoms had gotten worse so Sarah called the Vet. Neither one of us wanted Tugger to lie on our floor all night in pain but we also did not want to lose our beloved boy. Tugger still knew his name and could see our faces so the decision was made to carry him back to the doctor and put him to sleep and relieve his pain. I felt like I let Tugger down agreeing with the decision as I would always tell him that I would always take good care of him and provide whatever he needed.

As we reached the doctors parking lot Sarah waked inside to sign all the paperwork. I sat in the back seat holding Tugger and loving on him. I just kept telling Tugger how much he means to us and how much we both love him. Sarah came back out to the car so I picked up Tugger and carried him into the building. I gently laid my boy down in the room I had sworn never to ever visit. You see, at my first experience going to the doctor for an annual well visit check with Tugger, I noticed people leaving an area of the building that had an outside exit. These people looked sad and were crying. I asked the doctor’s assistant what the room was and she explained it to me. I looked at Tugger and said “I don’t ever want to go to that room with you best buddy”.

I was lying down with Tugger snuggling him while his mama kept eye contact with Tugger. She kept letting him know that he was the absolute best dog ever and how much she loved Tugger. Sarah had several Golden Retrievers in the past before Tugger. She always told me Tugger was special and the best dog ever. She would say that you will never find another dog like Tugger. As we waited for the doctor to enter the room endless tears flowed. Just before the doctor entered the room Sarah moved over to hold Tug her baby boy one last time and to comfort him. I lay on the floor with my nose touching his nose and letting Tug know what a good boy he was and how much I loved him. I said “hey Tug, I am right here buddy and I love you.” The doctor administered the first 2 shots and Tugs eyes grew heavy as he looked into my eyes. Tug was drifting off to sleep and we were losing him. As his body relaxed and his pain was releasing the doctor gave Tugger the last shot that stopped his heart. Our hearts broke and the tears kept coming. The doctor listened to Tugs heart and said he was gone. We both hugged and kissed Tugger one last time before leaving the room.  I had lost both of my parents several years ago but losing Tugger hurt the most.

Since that day I have spoken to many friends about losing my best friend in life. One of my friends told me that losing Tugger “made me more human” and that choosing to put Tugger to sleep was the right thing to do. Keeping him around in pain would have been the selfish choice. Another friend that is a physician and actually had a brain tumor removed many years ago told me “don’t worry you will see him again” and “I promise you that”. 

Putting down my experience in words on just how Tugger changed my life in just 3 short years has proven to be therapeutic for me. I hope that sharing my experience will touch others who have always thought about getting a dog and for whatever reason have postponed the decision. Life is short and unexpected so don’t forget to spend a little extra time letting your dog know just how much they mean to you today. Little did I know that when Tugger walked through my garage and into my kitchen back in October 2019 the impact he would have on my life.

Although I only had Tug in my life for 3 years, this 86 pound giant goof ball with his tail always wagging and a smile on his face made such a giant impact on my heart and soul. He made me a better person and I look forward to the day we meet again. Rest in peace Tug-Tug. We both miss you like crazy - Love Dad and Mom.